Dear Mum

Dear Mum

We were at the bakery and we decided to get cakes.
You were very upset from an earlier disagreement with your daughter.
Both of you decided to take some time apart for a bit to cool off.

We were at the bakery and we decided to get cakes.
“Let’s pick out 5 flavours”. 5 cakes for 5 of us.
The other 3 of us made our selections.

We were at the bakery and we decided to get cakes.
There were so many flavours… but none she would like.
“She hardly eats chocolate or blackforest these days”

We were at the bakery and we decided to get cakes
You finally picked out a cake she would like.
“4 cakes in total for you?” the cashier rang up the bill.

Then Mum you asked, “who didn’t choose their cake?”
You didn’t.
Mum, as you mulled over the cake options for the daughter you were angry at, you forgot to pick out your own cake.

Mother-ing is a social construct.

Yes, women have the unique ability to birth and to create new life from within them. It still amazes me – a woman’s body – how it can have the capacity for holding another life within it for 9 months. Throughout of which, a significant amount of time will be spent in the toilet puking un-glamorously, freaking out over unfamiliar changes to the body, and feeling grumpy and eating I do not, however, feel that nurturing or mothering is an entirely natural instinct. Mothering, like any love, is a deliberate choice made daily, to put the needs of the person you love as a priority. If anything, I am even more grateful for the choice you make everyday to put our needs on par, if not before, your own.

Thank you for making the choice of us, even on days when you’re tired and pretty much done with us, or when you honestly are at a loss. This month, I’ve seen clearly that motherhood isn’t an instinctual know-how. It is a series of difficult choices which cannot be measured by cost-benefit analyses. 

Thank you mama~


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